Memories are still fresh in my mind. I still remember that day..the day I started this new life or what some call the ‘new beginning’. After allowing my mother to make a fuss over my hair and dressing and her proud declaration that ‘my baby has grown up to earn money’ an all, I rushed in. I still wonder how I managed to untangle myself from her bear hug and get in :D. The sec I entered the building, something ringed my mind..
This is not the place where I should be..not a place which is suffocating , strict and organized..
This is not what I dreamed of…my dreams were always colorfull..but reality will strike us some or the other day.
As everyone I also waited in the long queue obviously tensed and timid and searching animatedly for a familiar face. I could not find any. Amidst of the bunch of eager faces I felt I was the only disinterested person in the crowd. Guys/girls or now the so-called professionals where eager to present themselves and were asking doubts even on their first day ..
As I felt a bond with the place from day one itself, I was never interested in talking to my fellow trainees. I was trying hard to cope with the new environment and trying to familiarize with the faces(which im still not able to complete).
Staying 6 months continuously at home made me inseparable from my mother..i still miss the fights with her. Eventhough my heart was crying out not to leave me in this place ,I never showed it when they left me in hostel.
I got a five member room and luckily got my college friend as roommate. Once more I started enjoying my hostel life. There where four of us from the same college.. the little chats, the small outings, hanging around hotels and all kept me occupied. It took my mind off the complicated questions running over my head.
Climate in Chennai was unpredictable..it changed just like the mood of a woman. One day it will be raining like hell and the whole city will be flooded, the next day the city will burn like an oven. The roads will be either dusty or will be muddy.. either way we had to skip all the way to hostel daily. The atmosphere is dusty always and breathing fresh air seems to be a vague memory.
Batch division and group division during training was based on ‘god alone knows what’. But I got a rocking team J.. That was the best thing that ever happened there coz at that time I felt like the fun days where back. Exploring the city, watching movies and travelling got added to my daily routine...
My weekends where always busy. My cousin’s flat is about 1 hour travel from my hostel and 3 of my close friends who are working in Accenture are also staying in a flat in Chennai.. either I used go to these two flats (flats of mine as I say) or hang out with my hostel friends..
Then one day the worst nightmare came.. we got our streams and I was separated from my new friends. A deep sense of despair overwhelmed me once more. All my teammates except me got one stream and I got a different one. Once more I was stuck alone in my stream. The feeling that this is not my place got stronger in my mind more than ever. There were times when after screwing up everything ,I wished desparately to vanish..but we get over it and adapt to it as time passes.
Now training is over and im sitting in a goddamn ‘bench’.. Daily going to office under the burning sun just to put a sign and waiting in the stairs and caffetaria for hours will make anyone mad. Chennai just started to burn and I don’t have any idea if I’l survive this summer. I hated Chennai the moment I stepped in and I still do..
Still all I dream is of the good old days.. I am hanging on to those memories too much that im afraid I will lose my present. The only happy moments in my life where those of school days and college days and all I wish is for one more chance which I know will never be there..
